Finally! – Your boyfriend popped the big question. Rather than feel excited, you’re suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts on how you’re going to handle your split parents. You’re not alone; 50% of people have parents who are divorced or on the verge of separation. No matter what situation you may find yourself in, there is a way in which you can effectively manage your parents and their significant others.

While you may feel compelled to plan all of your nuptial events in your parent’s best interest, also remember that this is your wedding day. Don’t compromise what you truly want just to keep your parents happy. This could be more difficult, especially if either parent left the other for another person who they intend to bring to the ceremony. Sit down with both parents and discuss with them their feelings about the upcoming celebration. See if they have suggestions or requests. As much as you want to protect your mom or dad, keep in mind that they are adults perfectly capable of acting civil for their daughter/son’s sake.

Situation #1: Choosing between biological parent and step-parent.
If you find yourself torn between father and stepfather, talk openly with your mom and siblings for their opinion. If you were raised by your stepfather, it’s only natural that you and he would share a special bond. On the other hand, your biological father also holds a key place in your heart. Before making a decision, speak with both men and see how important the wedding role is to them. Your stepfather will most likely understand your inclination to choose your real dad. If you’re determined to involve both, consider having one walk you down the aisle and the other participate in the father-daughter dance. If that isn’t good enough, you could have 2 father-daughter dances!

There are many ways to incorporate both parents and their new husband/wife. All it takes is some creative thinking and consideration. Request that your mom walk you down the aisle and let your stepmom do a special reading. This is your wedding day and you can customize the ceremony and reception to accommodate all of the important people in whichever way you wish.

Situation #2: Keeping hostile parents away from one another.
If your parents are recently divorced and ended on poor terms, it’s probably best to keep them apart as much as possible. This could necessitate sitting them at tables on opposite sides of the room. Give them full reign to pick and choose who they want sitting at the table with them. This way, they’ll both have their own comfort zones and won’t feel separated from the rest of the party.

Situation #3: Your step-parent pays for their party.
The fact that your stepfather or mother is funding the entire event could make you feel obligated to let them play a prominent role in the wedding. Even though they may be coming out of pocket for the ceremony and reception, it’s important that they understand that your real parents must also be included. If your step-parent expects to play a key role because they are taking care of the expenses, you may want to ask yourself – is it worth it? There are ways in which you can make both your step-parent and real dad/mom feel special on your wedding day. Consult your parents and see what they recommend – they may have the solution you’re looking for.