By Georgina Clatworthy

Your best man will play a major role in the build up to your wedding and on the day itself.  You may have someone who immediately comes to mind, perhaps a close relative or friend.  Whomever you choose though, they need to be dependable, reliable, organized and trustworthy.

Traditionally the role of the best man was as protector to the groom – literally!  His principle duty was to ensure the groom made it to the ceremony on time and without being waylaid or side tracked.  It is also considered back luck for the groom to turn back after setting out for the church.  Although I think the bride would accept the risk should he have forgotten the wedding ring or left the honeymoon tickets behind!

The best man’s duties include:

• Organizing the bachelor party
• Getting the groom to the church on time
• Guarding the groom’s wedding ring
• Giving an inspired speech at the wedding reception
• Helping the chief bridesmaid with organization on the day

The choosing of the best man is traditionally the domain of the groom, but more and more brides are having a say in who should be chosen these days.  The best man’s role is a wide and varied one and he is an integral part of the smooth running of the wedding.  Your best friend since childhood may be your dearest friend but is totally unreliable and as such cannot really be considered for the role.

The best man needs to be quick thinking, ready to step up to the plate and have the ability to step into the breech when needed.  If you are really stuck with who to choose then you could consider splitting the role between two.  All though unorthodox, it can be the best solution if you cannot choose.

One of the best man’s duties is to organize the bachelor party.  It is important that you make him aware of what you want from your bachelor night.  If the idea of a drunken weekend surrounded by strippers does not appeal then make sure he knows this.  Conversely you need to make sure that your choice of best man will be able to deliver a night you’ll remember as well as everyone else who is invited.  Your bride to be may prefer you to have a few quiet drinks at home, but it is hardly the send off to married life that most would consider!

The best man must also be able to stand up and give a wedding speech that will be memorable and heartfelt at the reception.  You want them to give a speech which is thoughtful, avoids any overly embarrassing stories (particularly those your bride doesn’t know about) and which will not offend anyone with rude jokes!  The speech is widely considered as the most important task your best man will undertake so if your first choice goes to pieces at the thought of public speaking, then they may not be the best choice for the job.

By Georgina Clatworthy

The members of your wedding party will play a crucial role in the build up to and on your wedding day.  Not least of these important members is your bridesmaid.  You may choose to have one or ten, but choosing who should attend you on the wedding day is not an easy task.

You may choose to have a chief bridesmaid who will be your ‘lead’ attendant for the day.  This is an important role and awarding the position of chief bridesmaid is a way to reward a close friend or close relative.  Here is a brief look at their duties:

• Organizing the bridal shower and/or bachelorette party
• Follow the bride up the aisle on the day
• Help arrange the bride’s dress, train and veil on the day
• Holding onto bouquets, bags, tissues etc
• Organizing the other bridesmaids

Your chief bridesmaid should be someone who is capable, reliable and trustworthy.  The chief bridesmaids role is important as they become the bride’s confident and support throughout the wedding planning process.  You may also rely on them for some rather more unusual tasks such as helping you in the bathroom on the day because you chose a wedding dress with an impossibly large skirt!

You also need to pick someone who can get on and work with the best man as the two of them will play major roles in ensuring the wedding day runs smoothly so they need to be able to work as a team.

Your choice of other bridesmaids can become the subject of family politics.  If you have a large family with lots of female members then you could find yourself faced with too many choices – it is perhaps best here to avoid any more bridesmaids!  Or you may have a large circle of friends but cannot possibly invite them all to be your attendants.

Their duties on the day include:

• Following you up the aisle
• Helping the chief bridesmaid
• Looking gorgeous!

Cost is another factor in choosing the number of attendants you have.  In some cases the bridesmaids will pay for their own outfits, in others the bride may foot the bill or it will be split evenly between the bridesmaids and the bride.  You will need to consider how their outfits and accessories will be paid for – can they afford to pay for their own outfits or will you have to chip in so they can be a bridesmaid?

If you choose to have one or more flower girls then you should choose an older bridesmaid or chief bridesmaid who can look after them and keep them in check, particularly if they are under five years old.

Finally, if you cannot everyone in your circle of family and friends as attendants then try to find other roles for those who are not chosen to do on the day or as part of the wedding planning.  This could include giving a reading, helping you make decorations, wedding favors or table centers or delegating a major part of the wedding planning to them.

By Georgina Clatworthy

Wedding planning is a long and stressful process even for the most laidback and organized of brides!  So it is a good idea to brush up on the fine art of delegation and rope in an army of helpers to aid you with all your planning, organizing and arranging!

I know it can be tricky to hand over certain areas of your wedding day to someone else.  After all you know exactly what you want and have difficulty in trusting someone else to carry out your instructions to the letter.  But by implementing a little teamwork and giving clear and concise instructions you can achieve everything you want, on time and with less stress! 

So why delegate in the first place? Well planning a wedding can involve a tremendous amount of fun stuff but it can also involve a large amount of medial tasks that take up much of your precious time.  It is these types of task that you need to delegate to others, freeing you up to concentrate on the fun things!  You will probably have an army of willing helpers all desperate to help you in some way even if it just a small task – so what are you waiting for? Put them to work!

Delegating is something of an art.  It is more than just giving out an order like ‘fetch the flowers’ or ‘make the wedding favors‘.  You need to give clear and concise instructions, especially if you want something doing in a particular way.  Use your friends and family as a sounding board for your ideas, but don’t bother asking their opinion if you are not going to listen to it.  You don’t have to go with their suggestions but it can be a good idea to let someone research something further, perhaps by gathering quotes, brochures etc.

If you delegate someone a task then try to give them complete control over it.  For instance, if you ask someone to find you wedding programs, ask them to find you all the wedding stationery, it makes more sense.  But do try to avoid breathing down their necks every second of the day to make sure they are doing it right!  Give them a ring every couple of days or once a week.  Of course, if it is the week before the wedding then you are within your rights to constantly pester them!

When it comes to things you could delegate here are a few ideas:

• Flowers are an obvious choice from collecting them on the wedding day, to making buttonholes or table centers.
• Music can be a good choice for brothers or friends who have some experience. They could source a good DJ for you and help you put together the playlist.
• Transport on the day will be crucial and you will need to trust someone who can calculate the various trips needed, the number of people to transport and to book and arrange all the necessary transport requirements.
• Other elements of your day which you could delegate include things like making the wedding favors, keeping the guest list up to date as RSVP’s come back, making a seating plan. If you delegate a whole chunk of the wedding planning it will take weight off your shoulders and leave you free to concentrate on the bigger picture.

By Georgina Clatworthy

Although most wedding budget planners seem to cover every possible element of your day, there are several hidden costs that you will need to add in.  These include things like legal fees, insurance and smaller costs such as tips, donations and gifts, all of which can soon add up to a significant portion of your overall budget.

As you progress with your wedding planning you may well find that you have an ever growing list of ‘extras’ some which may include:

• Church/religious donation: some venues may ask for a donation whilst others may just imply that one would be gratefully received. Ask politely what they amount they consider as a donation if you are in any doubt. As a guide $100-$150 is typical.
• Reception venues: some public buildings such as halls or huts or private venues such as barns, fields or gardens, may not charge you hire costs. But you may feel that giving some kind of donation would be appropriate. As a guide $50-$100.
• Car parking: if you manage to get permission for wedding guests to park their cars in private car parks or those belonging to a public building – offices, schools etc, then a donation to that building is usual. Budget around $50.
• Bridesmaids gifts: these maybe on your budget planner already. But if they are not then you will need to factor them in. These gifts do not need to be very extravagant most bride’s will give simple jewelry, books or a wristwatch. Budget $20-$30 per bridesmaid.
• Best man gift: again this might be on your planner already. Most couple’s choose something such as cufflinks to give as a best man present. Budget $30-$40.
• Parents and others gifts: it is traditional to give the mothers’ bouquets of flowers as a thank you. If you want to give both parents a gift consider a joint present such as tickets to the theatre or a restaurant meal. If you have received help from other people you may also want to arrange bouquets for them. Budget between $20-$30 per gift.
• Reception staff/bar staff: tips are normal at any venue no matter what the occasion so you may want to arrange for tips to given to the waiting staff who serve your wedding breakfast. You can delegate the best man to take charge of this using cash. The amount you give will depend on the number of staff employed on the day. As a guide $50-$100.
• Taxis: have some cash available should you need to hire a cab to take guests home, particularly those who become slightly worse for wear as the day wears on! Budget about $5-$10 although you may need more if you have to bribe the cab driver to take them or even have to pay their fare!

By Georgina Clatworthy

So the wedding day has finally arrived and although your thoughts should now be on the festivities ahead, you need to find time to run through some last minute checks to ensure everything goes smoothly as the day progresses.

You don’t have to go through this on the wedding day itself, doing it the day before will be fine but you may want to delegate your chief bridesmaid or your mother to give everything a final check on the morning – just to make sure!

Wedding rings – no wedding is complete without them so make sure they are safely in the possession of those persons who will take them to the ceremony.  For the record, the bride’s father will carry the bride’s ring and the best man will carry the groom’s ring.

Honeymoon documents – if you plan to head straight off on honeymoon after the reception you will need to make sure you take all your travel documents with you.  Don’t forget tickets, passports and travelers checks if using them.  You could have them handed over at the reception desk of the reception venue for safe keeping or entrust them to a member of the wedding party.  You will also need to make sure your luggage is delivered to the venue for you to collect later.

Wedding flowers – make sure you delegate someone to pick up the flowers if the florist cannot deliver them.  Remember buttonholes need to be split and delivered to the various members of the wedding party who will be wearing them.  This job maybe best given to the best man who can deliver the bouquets and buttonholes to the bride and then take buttonholes back to the groom.

Change of clothes – is has become popular to get changed for the evening party, perhaps into a shorter dress or evening dress, so don’t forget to pack a bag with these clothes in and have it left at the reception for you to collect later.  Even if you are not changing, you may still be changing your shoes so you will need to make sure that these make it to the reception as well.

Cards and messages – there are bound to be a number of cards and good luck messages from absent friends and guests who couldn’t make it.  Your best man will read these out after the wedding breakfast so make sure they get to him.  You may also like to arrange them in order of priority first.

Make-up – a bag of beauty essentials will make sure your make-up is looking perfect all day and night.  As well as make-up you might want to include a few other essentials such as spare hose, hair grips, hairspray, tissues and some make-up remover (in case you cry).  Give this bag to your mother to look after.

First aid – having a little bag of tricks could prove invaluable.  Items such as smelling salts, band aids, painkillers and indigestion tablets should all be included.

Bottled water – have some bottled water placed in the wedding cars so you can ensure that you don’t arrive at the ceremony with a dry mouth – a common symptom of nerves!

Money – have some cash entrusted to someone for the day.  You may have to pay your reception bill on the day or need some money for drinks etc.  It is also a good idea to make sure your fathers’ have their wallets primed and ready!

By Georgina Clatworthy

Your wedding will be the biggest occasion of your life to date and it is natural that you would want to have the best possible day you can afford.  But unless you have an infinite pot of money there are bound to be areas of your wedding budget where you will need to economize.

Whilst you don’t want to be accused of being a skinflint, there are several areas of your wedding where you can cut back on costs without anyone noticing the difference!  Here are ten ways to save money on your wedding budget.

1. Reduce the guest list and you will make significant savings.  Remember the more heads there are the more money you will have to spend.  The size of your guest list will have an impact on the size of venue you hire, your catering bill and your drinks bill.  As the wedding breakfast will cost you the most, it is worth cutting the daytime guest list and inviting those you take off to the evening party instead.  If you really cannot trim it down anymore then look at having a buffet for your wedding meal instead of a formal multi-course dinner.
2. Cut down on the catering budget by choosing less courses and having simpler meals.  Are five courses really necessary?  Could you do better with just having a starter and main course and then serving your wedding cake as dessert?  A buffet will always be cheaper than a sit down meal because less staff are required to serve it and you can offer far more dishes than a sit down meal.  Another suggestion is to have your wedding breakfast later in the day so that you won’t need to fork out for more food later on.  An afternoon or evening ceremony followed by a meal late evening is a very romantic alternative.
3. Cut your bar bill by providing wine/champagne/soft drinks for the wedding breakfast and then having a pay bar for the rest of the reception and evening party.  This is very common at most weddings these days and your guests really won’t mind having to buy their own drinks.  You can also save money on the drinks you buy in by visiting a wine merchants warehouse to get bulk purchase prices and by swapping champagne for a nice sparkling wine (your guests really won’t know the difference unless they tend to have very expensive tastes).
4. Hire your wedding attire instead of buying it outright.  Most of the men’s outfits will be hired anyway so why not hire your wedding dress as well.  Many brides have a romantic idea of keeping their dress stored for their children who are unlikely to want to wear it anyway and is there really any point in keeping a thousand dollar dress stored away for years on end?  Hiring your wedding dress will limit your choice of dress but it is a wonderful way to get a designer dress for about a third of the cost of buying it.  You can purchase all your accessories if you would really like some keepsakes that your children are more likely to want to wear!
5. Keep the bridesmaids to a minimum unless they offer to purchase their entire outfits themselves.  Traditionally the bridesmaids would pay for their own outfits despite many thinking the bride would pay for them, but what will you do with ten matching dresses after the wedding?
6. Borrow your wedding transport by asking around friends and family. If someone you know has a vintage or classic car tucked away or luxurious saloon, then ask them if they would be willing to lend it to you for the wedding day.
7. Your wedding photographs will account for a significant portion of your wedding budget so cut back on the number of shots and ask friends and family to take photographs at the reception instead.  You can hire a photographer to take formal shots after the ceremony which will see the cost decrease significantly.
8. Limit the amount of flowers by using foliage to fill in your displays.  If you choose locally grown and in season flowers you can also save more money than by using out of season blooms which will have to be flown in especially.  Also you could move the displays from the ceremony venue to reception to cut down on the number of large arrangements you will need and if you do have a lot of bridesmaids you could use their bouquets as table centerpieces.
9. Rope in friends and family to help on the day particularly if they have a skill or talent that is useful to you.  For instance if a friend is a DJ or amateur photographer than ask them if they wouldn’t mind making an appearance at your wedding.  Also find out if friends have any skills such as dress making, card making and cake decorating.
10. Go for DIY on many of the elements of your day.  You can make your own wedding stationery, wedding favors, table centerpieces and even the evening buffet should you so desire.

By Georgina Clatworthy

Congratulations! You’re engaged! So now you have the task of making your wedding announcements to the world.  But first there are some important people in your lives who should be told before anyone else.

The first people to be told the happy news are the bride’s parents, followed by the groom’s parents.  It used to be traditional for the groom to ask the bride’s father for his permission to marry his daughter, but unless you are the really old fashioned type, this is not observed so much these days!

After both sets of parents have told of the engagement you can then make announcements to everyone else.  For close friends and other relatives this can be by word of mouth, over the phone or by letter.  Email and text message are often frowned upon in wedding etiquette terms but for close friends this can be a fun way to announce your engagement!  If you write your wedding announcements then make sure they are all posted at the same time so that (hopefully) everyone receives theirs at the same time and no-one feels excluded.

One thing you should not do is to announce your wedding during someone else’s wedding.  It is natural that you should want to tell the whole world but don’t steal the limelight from someone else’s special day.

Traditionally wedding announcements were made in the local press and perhaps the national press if you were of a high social standing.  Today, though this is observed less and formal wedding announcements have instead become printed cards which can be posted to all whom the couple wishes to receive the news.  Small announcements in local press are still popular but perhaps less well observed as in the past.

You don’t have to make announcements in the press although some parents may like to do so partly because its traditional and partly because it is a good way of informing old friends and colleagues with whom they or you may have lost touch.  Traditionally the bride’s parents would pay for announcements in the national press and the groom’s parents would pay for announcements in the local press.

Should you wish to make an announcement in the press then it is proper for the bride’s mother or the bride herself to write to the paper’s editor with an announcement along these lines:

Mr. R Jones and Miss C Smith

The Engagement is announced between

Roger

Only son of

Mr and Mrs John Jones of Kingston

And

Caroline

Eldest daughter of

Mr and Mrs Richard Smith of Princeville 

Many wedding stationers carry a line of engagement/wedding announcements which can be customized to include photographs of yourselves.  Typically you would not use these announcements as engagement party invitations as well, but you could to save money if you felt necessary.

By Georgina Clatworthy

Weddings are a costly undertaking and you have no doubt had to trim down your list of wishes for your big day.  So it is vital that you keep a tight check on your wedding budget to ensure that you don’t run out of money before you have achieved all that you want.

But don’t panic, if you have overspent in some areas of your budget then are some things you can do to get yourselves back on track and still achieve all that your heart desires.  What is important is that you can afford to get married in the first place – that is have enough money to pay for the ceremony and all associated fees, everything else is just an added bonus!

Ok, so only having enough money for the ceremony may seem a little extreme, but there is actually little sense in hosting a wedding nobody can afford.  If you have overspent then you will both need to sit down and work through your budget and expenditure so far to see where you have overspent and which areas you can pull some cash back from.

If your parents are contributing to the cost of the wedding then it may be wise to involve them in this process too or at the very least make them aware of the overspend and where you intend to cut back.  However, try to avoid apportioning blame for the overspend as this is counterproductive and will not achieve anything.  It may actually be the case that your initial budget was unrealistic to begin with.

If you haven’t done so already now is the time to open a separate bank account for the wedding budget so that your everyday expenditure is not impacting on it.  Try to find one with a good rate of interest but which still gives you 24/7 access to your cash.  The extra interest earned could help towards to minimizing the overspend or you could save it for your honeymoon.

Get to grips with your accounts and keep accurate records on what is being paid out, to whom and how much.  Remember that many of your wedding expenses will be payable in installments. After paying an initial deposit you will need to remember that the remainder of the balance will be due some time later, nearer your wedding date.

There are various types of free accounting software tailored to weddings available on the internet, but you can keep your finances in check with a simple spreadsheet, so long as you update it every time you pay for something.  Both of you need to keep an eye on the finances, but try to avoid putting just one person in charge of the purse strings.  A better way is to make sure you are both aware when money needs to be spent and how much it will be.

Keep a copy of your wedding budget with you when ever you go shopping so you can refer to it as needed.  You can also mark off how much you have spent as you go along so that updating your accounts later will be much easier.

By Georgina Clatworthy

Your wedding reception will be one of the biggest parties you will ever organize and one of the trickiest tasks you will need to complete will be organizing the seating plan.  You may be thinking ‘why do I need a seating plan?’ well, without one, your guests will simply all file into the reception room and mill around wondering where to sit and who with.

A seating plan will give you greater control over who sits were and with whom so as to avoid any potential conflicts between people who do not get on and also with the aim of creating a happy wedding atmosphere by sitting people together who you are sure do or will get on.  Giving your guests some guidance on where to sit will also speed things up and you will get everyone seated and ready eat in no time at all.

Seating plans are particularly important for a large formal wedding and even if you are not having a sit down meal, you may still have tables set out so a seating plan is still a useful tool for a buffet style reception.  If your wedding is small and intimate then you may find that a seating plan is not necessary and in that case it can be wise to intimate to your guests that it is a ’sit anywhere’ event.

Traditionally, the reception venue will be laid out with a long table at one end of the room, known as the top table, with several smaller square or round tables laid out to one side of the top table.  The aim with the arrangement of the smaller tables is for your guests to be able to see the bride and groom from wherever they are sitting.  Now of course, some of your guests will have their backs to you but make sure there is sufficient space between the tables so they can turn their chairs to you when the speeches and toasts commence.

The tables nearest to the top table are traditionally reserved for the families of the bride and groom and all other guests are then fitted on the remaining tables.  The top table will consist of you and your husband in the center, your mother and father on either side, the groom’s father and mother to one end and the best man and chief bridesmaid to the other end.  There are many variations of the top table, particularly to accommodate parents who are divorced and remarried.  The one constant is that you should both sit in the center and you can organize everyone else in a way that works best for you.

When working out who will sit where it is a good idea to write the names of each guest on pieces of card, followed by a larger card with the table numbers on.  You can then arrange each guest around a table in a configuration which works well for you.  There are some considerations though:

• Try to sit people of the same age together
• Avoid placing singles on tables of couples, try to put at least two single people together on a table but avoid any matchmaking!
• Keep couples and those with children together
• Try to sit people together whom you think will get on together well

You aim is to try to achieve lively tables where everyone can engage with each other in a friendly and cheerful manner.  Once you have worked out where everyone will sit you can go ahead and have a seating plan board made to display at the entrance to the reception room.

By Georgina Clatworthy

Your honeymoon will be one of the most magical trips you will ever make and no-one will blame you for wanting it to be the trip of a lifetime.  But when it comes deciding on where to go and who should book and pay for it, many couples become unstuck! 

Traditionally the honeymoon was the responsibility of the groom, who would choose where to go, would book it and pay for it.  The location of the honeymoon would also be kept a surprise from the bride until the wedding day.  However, these day’s brides would much prefer to be involved in the decision of the honeymoon destination so she can plan her holiday wardrobe accordingly!

A surprise honeymoon can seem a nice idea, after all marriage is an adventure and surprises are always a welcome treat.  Keeping it a secret from the bride means she has one less thing to worry about as well.  However, if the groom’s choice is a disaster it is not a great way to begin married life!  And the bride may also spend many hours worrying about where they are going and what she needs to pack.

If you choose the destination yourself then you can both get everything you want from the trip.  You may both have shared interests or perhaps there is a particular location you have both always wanted to visit.  Planning it together also gives you something to look forward to after the excitement of the wedding day.  The only downside is that you could both have very different ideas about what you want from the honeymoon leading to many hours trying to find the perfect location that fulfills both your requirements.

Once you have decided on where to go, there comes the burning questions of who will pay for it.  You may have already included a sum for honeymoon in your wedding budget or you are paying for it by other means.  The tradition of the groom paying for the honeymoon is still observed today, although this does date back to a time when the bride’s family would pay for the entire wedding and you may want to consider a fairer option that sees both sides contributing to the cost.

What you do need to consider is where you can afford and how long for.  A week down the coast in a boarding house is one thing, a fortnight in Mauritius is something else altogether!  You may feel some pressure to make the honeymoon ultra special but it isn’t necessary to spend a fortune on your honeymoon in search of the trip of a lifetime.  You may have other commitments to consider such as work or a mortgage, so make sure you factor those into your plans as well.

Many couples find that they have spent so much on the wedding itself, there simply isn’t enough to manage a dream honeymoon on the other side of the world.  If you find yourself in this situation, consider a weekend break in a luxury hotel and then save up for a dream holiday at a later date.