By Georgina Clatworthy

When it comes to planning a wedding there are often many difficult decisions to make.  From choosing the right venue to the color of the bridesmaid’s dresses and the perfect wedding favors, but one decision could leave having to deal with the fallout for years to come – the dreaded wedding guest list!

Everyone from family, friends, neighbors and colleagues and the guy who serves you coffee every morning often end up on the initial list, but unless you have an infinite pot of money the guest list you first draw up of 250+ names will need to be trimmed back.  The question is how to do this without offending anyone or loosing friendships in the process?

The problem for most couples is that the wedding guest list is extraordinarily political and there are many pitfalls to beware of.  First stop is all those ‘plus ones’, not inviting your best friend’s boyfriend of three weeks is ok, but if they are still together some years later it could be remembered as an insult!  Then is the problem of a large extended family.  You or your groom maybe close to one particular cousin but not the rest, however you cannot invite one without inviting them all.  This where the guest list becomes something of a delicate balancing act.

If you are finding yourselves in this awkward position there are three possible solutions to consider:

1. Be ruthless: invite very close family and friends only and have the wedding at a venue which will only hold a small number of people.  The only problem here is that those on the fringes of your close family and friends circle could still be offended at not being invited and you could still run the risk of damaging relationships with them.
2.  A-list and B-list: here you draw up two lists the first list are all those people whom you want to attend the ceremony and reception.  The second list is everyone else whom you invite to the evening party.  If people drop out of the first list then you could ‘promote’ B-listers to the A-list.  It isn’t a perfect solution and some may be aggrieved by their B-list status.  How you handle their grievances is up to you, either explain you cannot afford to invite everyone or just let them get over it themselves!
3. Invite everyone anyway: If you take this option then you will need to look at how you can save money per head and avoid it busting your wedding budget.  This will mean some compromise but you don’t have to forgo your dream day because of it.  Consider these cost cutting tips:

• Book off season for cheaper prices on venues, suppliers and vendors.
• Book a mid-week wedding which is usually much cheaper than weekends.
• Have a buffet wedding breakfast rather than a formal sit down meal
• If you want a sit down meal then choose cheaper dishes for the menu.
• Cut the number of courses, for instance, have your wedding cake as dessert.
• Source your own wine for the wedding breakfast as it is often much cheaper than the venue’s house choice.
• Don’t be afraid to negotiate on prices.  Many venues and suppliers will be willing to discount here and there or offer other freebies into the package.

By Georgina Clatworthy

If you have decided you want to share your wedding day with those people who are special in your lives then you face a difficult task of being able to balance the constraints of your wedding budget with your desire to invite all and sundry to the wedding!  Depending on the size of wedding you want to have, determining your wedding guest list comes down to a choice between where to spend your budget and how many people you want there with you.

Wedding guests equal $ – each additional guest will cost you in terms of venue size, catering and even the size of your wedding cake.  So there is a real balancing act between paying for all the various elements of your day and having sufficient people to share it with.  Your guests will provide the atmosphere to your day, regardless of venues, surroundings and all the other details you so meticulously plan.

I recently watched a program in which the couple opted to pay for a very grand venue only to discover their budget wouldn’t stretch to more than 20 guests for the day time event.  Whilst the venue was beautiful it was way too large for such a small number of guests and as they waited for the evening party begin, many were left sitting around in stony silence, waiting for something to happen!  Sadly, it got worse as not very many more turned up for the evening party either although I am unsure as to how many were invited in the first place.  At the end of the party some of the guests where asked about their thoughts of the day.  All agreed the venue was stunning, but that the entire day had lacked any atmosphere and most just couldn’t wait to get home!

So choosing your guest list and the numbers there on it is one of the most vital elements of your wedding planning.  You cannot choose a venue, book caterers or even order your wedding stationery until you have determined the maximum number of guests you can afford to invite.  Choosing that number does depend on the size of your overall budget, but also the feel of the wedding day you want to achieve.  Some couple’s prefer an intimate wedding, so a guest list of around 20 is perfect, if you want something a little livelier then you will need to think about 50 or more.  There is also the question of how many people you invite to the evening party, which typically should be the same number of people again as came to the day time event.

Don’t be seduced by stunning venues if they are simply too big for your needs.  A small number of guests in a large grand ballroom will feel too impersonal, whilst cramming a hundred guests into a tiny hall will leave you all struggling for a little bit of space, never mind the proverbial cat!  A good venue manager will be able to give you some guidance about guest numbers which their rooms can comfortably accommodate, whilst still leaving room for a dance floor later on.

As you draw up your wedding guest list be sure to think about not only those people who are most important to you, but what is more important – plenty of guests to share your day or a grand venue or extravagant catering?

By Georgina Clatworthy

One of the more difficult aspects of your wedding planning will be the wedding guest list.  This is always an area that causes conflict, argument and consternation amongst families, because whilst you may want to invite the world and his family to your wedding day, your budget simply won’t allow it.  Inevitably wedding guest lists up and down the land are trimmed and revised on a regular basis before the final list is made!

Your first step with your guest list is to make it out together before going to your respective families.  Don’t be afraid to write down the names of every single person you know, just make sure you have the most important people there and at the top!  Show the list to your families and write down any further suggestions they make.  Let them know this list is likely to be edited because of the budget constraints, but that you will discuss the final list with them before sending out the invitations.

Typically, parents will suddenly come out with names of all sorts of people whom you have never heard of before.  Uncles and aunts that you haven’t seen since you were a baby or neighbors from long, long ago.  Add them to your list without argument to begin with as your case for not inviting them will likely be strengthened later on. If you haven’t already done your wedding budget, now is the time to do it so you know how much you can spend on your reception and how many guests you can comfortably afford.

A wedding guest will cost you 1 two or three course meal; 1 evening buffet serving; 1 wedding favor; 1 wedding invitation, program, name card and other stationery.  Of course some of these costs can be shared between two in the case of couples, but each of these needs to be considered when determining how many guests you can afford.  Your main expense will come during the day time reception, whilst your evening party will be cheaper per guest because a buffet is a cheaper form of catering to lots of people.  Of course, all of this is dependant on the style of wedding you are having.

Once you know how much you can spend and have determined the maximum number of guests you can afford you can then go about editing your wedding guest list.  Follow these simple tips to draw up a list that should please everyone!

• Remove anyone you haven’t seen in the last six months and who is not a close family relative
• Question whether or not elderly relatives living far away will actually come – maybe sending a wedding announcement and piece of wedding cake would suffice?
• Make your list out in order of importance in terms of those guests you really want at your wedding.  Don’t forget to add in your parents names, and members of your wedding party (you have to pay for them too remember!)
• Do you want to invite the wedding officiant and/or wedding planner to the daytime reception?
• Do you want to add plus 1’s to invites? These are girlfriends/boyfriends/partners/wives/husbands etc of people you know but whom you have never met.
• Do you want children at the reception?

Typically around 70% of those you invite will actually come to the wedding but don’t take this for granted.  However, you will usually have space to invite any last minute guests or to move someone from the evening reception to the daytime celebrations.  Draw up your daytime list first within the budget you can afford, put everyone else down for the evening party.

By Georgina Clatworthy

If you have been invited to a wedding, then brushing up on your wedding guest etiquette skills would not be a bad thing.  Many of us think we know how to conduct ourselves in public, but in practice can often let the sense of occasion (and the free flowing champagne) cloud our judgment.  And whilst a drunken reveler at a wedding reception may seem like good entertainment on the wedding video, it is a potential headache for the other wedding guests and the bride and groom!

To begin with a dress code may have been specified by the bride and groom.  Often referred to as black tie, evening dress or perhaps a specific theme, each guest will be expected to arrive suitably suited and booted as it were and to not do so would be considered rude in the eyes of wedding etiquette.  If you are at all concerned about what you are expected to wear then a polite phone call to the bride’s mother or to the maid of honor should help you.

For the wedding ceremony each guest is expected to arrive around twenty minutes before the bride.  If you are late do not enter the ceremony venue but instead go directly to the reception venue, you can give your excuses to the couple later.  To enter the ceremony part way through what will be an emotional time for the bride and groom is very unsettling and can spoil what would be a romantic atmosphere.

When shown to your seats at the ceremony, make sure you have turned off any mobile phones and pagers and that you are comfortable – some ceremonies can take a long time so try to visit the bathroom before you sit down!  Try not to make any blasphemous comments if the ceremony is a religious one and be careful of your language! 

The wedding reception is the part everyone looks forward to the most, but this too is often filled with many traditions and customs that require a degree of etiquette to be applied from the invited guests.  Don’t take advantage of your host’s hospitality too early on!  A welcome drink is usually on supplied one to each guest, so make it last unless a pay bar is available.  Depending on the style of the wedding and the hospitality laid on you maybe offered a refill, but try not to get roaring drunk before the first speeches have been given!

Make yourself available for the wedding photographs and don’t disappear off to the bar at the first opportunity!  Many couples like to have a photograph of themselves and all the wedding guests so whether you are close to them or not, make sure you can be found when called upon.  Peaking too soon on the free Champagne and wine is one of the biggest problems faced by wedding guests and the bride and groom.  No-one wants a drunken reveler loosing all their inhibitions and shouting out comments about the bride or what the groom got up to on the bachelor party!  Keep the drinking in check at least until the evening party is in full swing, then you can let loose!

By Georgina Clatworthy

A wedding guest book allows your guests to write personal messages of good luck and wishes to you both.  They make a wonderful keepsake of your wedding day.

Aside from the traditional paper wedding guestbook there are now several other alternatives available to you.  Here are a few ideas for you to consider:

Wedding signature platters are large plates onto which your guests can sign their names and leave a short message.  You can order a signature platter in a choice of sizes and some can be personalized with your names and wedding date in the center.

A wedding signature platter makes a popular alternative to a traditional guest book as they can be displayed at home, either on a wall or on a shelf, so you can enjoy it everyday!

Some couples choose to have one large signature platter which they will display on a separate table so guests can sign it at their pleasure or they will choose smaller platters and place one on each table.

Similar to the signature platter are wedding signature frames.  These look like picture frames and like the signature platters, your guests can write their messages on the blank insert.  Again signature frames are available in a range of sizes, with a choice of finishes and can be personalized.

It can be a nice idea to choose a very large signature frame and display it on an easel in your wedding reception room so your guests can easily find it.

A wedding wish tree is a beautiful way to collect all your guests wishes and good luck messages.  It works by providing your guests with small pieces of paper onto which they can write their messages and then with the aid of a peg or clip they can attach it to the wish tree.

A wedding wish tree doesn’t have to be a tree! There are various ways of creating this, all of which add a wonderful decorative element to your wedding reception.  The most common version consists of large branches, such as twisted willow fixed securely into a large container.  The branches need to be bare to allow each guest to be able to securely attach their wishes.

Other versions include a washing line, which can also be used to display your escort cards and I have also seen fret work screens where the open design allows for the wishes to be securely clipped on.

What you do with your wishes afterwards is up to you.  One idea is to purchase a traditional wedding guest book and stick them all inside.  Or if you are the creative type you could create a wedding scrap book using photographs, decorative elements left over from your wedding (ribbons, pressed flowers, wedding favors etc) and of course your wedding wishes.