A Basic Guide to Planning a Rehearsal Dinner

By Georgina Clatworthy

What is it?

Traditionally a rehearsal dinner is an informal gathering which takes place after the ceremony rehearsal, usually the night before the wedding.  It is attended by the wedding party & is normally hosted by the Groom’s mother.  Throwing a rehearsal dinner is a great way to get together before the mania of the wedding day & enjoy each other’s company.  It is also a great opportunity to thank everyone personally who has helped with the wedding so far.

Do I have to have one?

Although traditional, it isn’t compulsory.  Having a rehearsal dinner will also give you the opportunity to relax & take you mind away from the wedding day itself.  You will probably need to eat out that night anyway so is there really any reason not to do it with family & friends?

Who pays?

Usually the bill would fall to the groom’s parents but as often the modern way the cost is shared or is included in the couple’s wedding budget.  An alternative is for both sets of parents to host the dinner together.

Who plans it?

Traditionally the rehearsal dinner is the domain of the groom’s mother, but it is always worth checking that she wants to do it & is able to.  If she wants to do it then it is a good idea to let her.  Apart from the fact it is one less thing for you to worry about, it also gives her something to do & gets her involved with the wedding plans.  Traditionally the groom’s mother plays a very little role, if any at all, in the wedding preparations.

What happens at a rehearsal dinner?

As well as eating, the rehearsal dinner will give you the opportunity to thanks those who have helped you & raise a toast to everyone.  You could also include some games or activities such as darts, pool, bowling or outdoor games.  It is also a good time to give your bridesmaids & groomsmen their gifts – if didn’t want to do it at the reception.

How do I invite my guests?

You can send out informal printed invitations after you have sent out your wedding invitations.

Do I have to invite out-of-town guests?

Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner was only for the wedding party, but in modern times it has grown into a larger affair with other guests being invited.  It would seem polite to ask out-of-town guests, particularly if you haven’t seen them for some time.  It is a nice gesture to invite them & gives them the option of joining you or dining elsewhere.  An alternative is to invite them over to your dinner venue after the dinner itself.  Ask the bar or restaurant to serve up some snacks or tapas for them.  This would be less expensive than providing dinner.

What if I can’t afford a rehearsal dinner?

A rehearsal dinner doesn’t have to be a grand or formal affair.  The idea is that it is a relaxed gathering which takes place after your wedding rehearsals.  You could throw it at home or at yours or the groom’s parent’s house.  Hold a barbecue or simply have a cocktail hour & then go out to dinner with just immediate family later.  I would recommend you make a provision in your wedding budget to have one – it will give you the perfect opportunity to relax before the day & to thank all your family & friends.