The Guest List: Deciding Who Stays and Who Goes

Again and again I have heard from couples that the worse part about planning the wedding was working out the guest list. It was the second most common fight (after the cost of the wedding itself), and it was a monster to resolve.

In the end, most couples will end up inviting up to a dozen people plus guests that they otherwise wouldn't have. Which is not only a strain that shouldn't be present on your special day, but it costs a whole lot more than you might have intended.

But if you just follow simple tips to creating a guest list, it makes it much easier to handle.

First, decide who in your family is coming. This is usually the most contentious issue, because relatives can often forget that it is your wedding, and not theirs, and so insist you invite extended family members who you don't really know or like.

Start by your immediate family, such as parents and siblings. Then grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces and such. Keep in mind how many guests can come, if children are invited, and those other sometimes overlooked details that can cause problems later on.

Second, choose what friends will be invited. This is one of the most important days of your life. You don't have to choose everyone you have a casual friendship with, unless you really want a massive wedding.

Start by thinking of who is closest to you, and work your way out by the level of the relationship. Come up with a clear cut off as to who will make the list. For example, if you haven't seen or at least spoken to someone in a year, they should probably be left out.

Third, decide if you will invite acquaintances. This includes work colleagues, fellow students, people from your past, church members, recreational group members...anyone you might like, but are not close to. In most cases, there is no reason for invitations to go out to this group. But that is up to you.

Conclusion

The most important thing is that you are your soon-to-be spouse don't fight about it. If one of you feels strongly about another being there or not being there, it might be best to give in to that request. Or, to at least sit down and try to explain both points of view.

In the end, you want what is most comfortable for you both. And some people just might not be welcome at the event.