Thread: Just got engaged and my parents are NOT HAPPY!

I will be 25 soon and my boyfriend proposed to me 4 days ago. It was one of the most amazing moments of my life. We have been dating for 2 and a half years. He has 2 beautiful little girls from a previous marriage. I didn't tell my parents about his kids until I told my mom that we got engaged because my family is extremely snooty and judgemental. I wanted them to know him for who he was, and get to know him before they found that info out. My entire family loved my fiance... up until the news of his kids came out. Now my mom has insulted both me and him, and has questioned the marriage. My mother has controlled me my entire life from my college choices to decisions about jobs and majors. I've let her do it too. Finally I've had enough and am standing up to her.

The issue of his kids has been discussed heavily between the 2 of us, and they were not a part of our relationship until we were sure we wanted to be together. He has full custody so they are around all the time now. I have grown quite close to them, and am truely in love with his children just as much as I am with him. The girls are really excited we're getting married too.

Despite my mom's controlling attributes, I love her and she has been a very influential person in my life. I can't stand the thought of not having her support, and not planning my wedding with her. I am still extremely hurt by some of the things she has said though, and the situation is still unresolved.

Sorry this was long.... just looking for some advice

I am sorry to hear that your family is not as thrilled as you are for getting engaged. It is really a special and exciting moment for girls and it would be great if they can share the same excitement with their family.

I would say, go for what your heart desires. You love the man and sounds like you are totally ok with his daughters. I really don't see the problem. It sucks that your mom hurt your feelings but parents are always gonna be there for you. They might be very upset with you now but slowly, they will realize that this is what you want and you are happy with your decision. I am pretty sure they will turn around. I would say to not rush the wedding and try to work things out slowly between your parents and your fiance. Congratulations and Best of Luck!

Congratulations to you both! That's lovely.

If you allow your mother to control you in this respect too, she's going to end up controlling your marriage and how you raise the children. Stand firm. You're 25, not 15. Give her time to cool down and make it clear you're a grown woman, not a child now. If you make mistakes along the way in life, so be it, but they will be YOUR mistakes and you'll take full ownership of that. You're not getting married immediately and it's only been 4 days, so take a breath and let things settle. If you've been standing up to her now is not a time to buckle. Good for you!

Hi SkyChicka, very nice to meet you and welcome to the 1Wedding Source forum. Congrats on the engagement! I have to agree with what Moonshine and Sapphire said. Your mom is not your keeper. You've obviously thought this through and spent time with the children as well, so it's not been a rash decision. I can't imagine what your mom would have said that would have made you feel bad about it. Don't let her rain on your parade, hon.

Lovely to meet you, SkyChicka and welcome. I second what the others have said. Don't let your mom walk all over you. You owe it to yourself to put your own happiness first and if they can be happy for you, fantastic. If not, it's their loss.

You can still love your mom and draw boundaries too. That's what they did for us when we were kids, wasn't it? Time you did the same. Sticking up for yourself doesn't mean you love her any less.

What's your dad saying about all this? Do you have an ally in him?

Thank you everyone so much for this advice! Sometimes it seems you just need an outside opinion on some things! I am not very close with my dad at all, so this battle stays between my mom and I for now, but I'm sure he won't be happy either (he's very conservative). Relations have gotten better with her since, but still not good. I just called her for the first time since and started talking wedding plans with her, and didn't bring the issue up. She didn't say anything about it either. So I've decided to break the ice with that, and maybe next convo with her talk to her about meeting the kiddos, and see how it goes. Wish me luck!

Thanks again to everyone! You've all been very helpful.

What bride wouldn't want to have her parents on the most happiest day of her life? Well, it is a tough situation but the case is that you need to talk- and I mean really talk- to your parents. I was in that situation my self but for all the different problem. In my case it was on what course I'll take in college... That day I really stood up to them and I really made them feel like dirt at the way they treat me when they don't have their way. I don't remember a great deal much since my brain was fogged with anger and frustration that time but I think the parting remark I gave before I performed the best walk out scene was, " I don't want things to be this way and right now I don't give a damn about what you think about me. I'm done so don't ever pull anymore strings for me. A piece of advice? If I were you I would BUTT OUT!"

That reeeeeaaaally felt good though... Though my parents aren't snooty their extreeeemeeely judgmental and I hated that growing up... Always using their influence to get what they think is right for me... So what if you have a ready made family? If they make you happy and you feel like you're home then you should go for it. And if your parents can't understand that then its their problem, not yours. Happiness comes but once or twice in a lifetime, grab it while you can... It's not easy, but it sure is worth it trust me...



"Two souls with but a single thought, Two hearts that beat as one."

I think your mother just wants the best for you that when she found out that your fiance has kids on previous marriage she felt upset and worried about you. I think you should give more time to heal everything. Talk to your mom. I know she will be glad if you will talked to her and told her that you loved that guy deeply. Told her too that you will be greatly happy if she will accept your fiance wholeheartedly and leave the past behind.

Be honest and firm and pray for the best....their going to love you no matter what.

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